Religious Preference?

I was at the hospital today and was asked if I had a religious preference in the admissions interview. I have never been asked if I had a religious preference -- except by facebook and places where I could make it public if I chose -- so I was thrown into a loop of unexpected questioning.

I am an atheist, and it is an incredibly important part of my self identity. Its been increasingly important throughout college as I was exposed to people with strong religious beliefs and found myself challenged to think about other forms and ways of life. There was L, who was adamantly Christian and thought that evolution was fine, but God had set it up to run, and K who was Catholic and intense about her conservative norms (despite being a lesbian, her one aberration). There is B who feels that God has to exist as a power in the universe, and M who was brought up Christian but has atheistic leanings. There is C who is a Methodist, and B who is born-again, and lets not even start in on C who will pray to God to clean his food when it falls on the ground. Anyways, there is so much religion out there that seems to predominate everything about the world, and I didn't realize it until I got to college.

Before college I hadn't really thought too much about it. Atheism seemed to come naturally to me as a result of thinking hard about what the universe was like. I spent my younger years thinking that God was some sort of big guy in the sky, and being confused about the father son and holy ghost bit, but really caring about Santa and the Tooth Fairy more. When I was in Catholic School for two years, I thought for a while I was Christian, but the more I went to mass, the more I felt like it was all empty gestures, done to impress someone who didn't exist. I wasn't sure what it meant when I said I didn't believe in god, and until high school, I didn't really admit to being an atheist, still trying to figure out what the word meant.

I did eventually proclaim to the world I was an atheist. Science bases my world, and according to science, there really isn't a need for a big guy in the sky, a force in the universe, God, to do anything. Molecules will form, evolution will occur, without magic, or a watchmaker or whatever. The world spins, the universe expands and science explains it all. Even if there were a big guy out there orchestrating everything, he wouldn't be needed, so why have him at all?

I was brought up in a world where science is expanding its knowledge at every turn, and explaining the things we used to not be able to explain, but also in a world where religion still holds on to the minds of everyone around me and it makes me sad. What also makes me sad, is the fact that because I don't conform to a religious ideology, people will make assumptions -- mean and jagged assumptions.

Only once have I been attacked for my stance on God personally, but I often feel attacked. Every sign that proclaims that God has something to do with so-called morality, every time someone (even myself, for I will confess to using 'God' in a habitual manner) uses God as a noun, as a person who can hear what is being said, or explicative, tells me that I am strange, that I should believe because non-belief is tantamount to admitting I am an alien from another planet.

To me there is an important distinction between non-religious, and atheism. Julia Sweeney says in 'Letting Go of God' that she just considers herself to be a naturalist, and religious people are therefore a-naturalist, and while I sincerely believe what she says for her reasons why, the common person won't without the background that explains what a naturalist is.

This morning I was moved into a waiting area and when the nurse came to register me, she looked at me and said "Ms. Waters, do you have a religious preference?" and I froze. I thought about whether or not atheism counted as a religion, or if there was a label for it in her system. I sometimes have this paralysis over the question "race". If there is an option for "other" I write in human. Race is not a true distinction, merely a formal construct, like god, that humans created. But atheism is not a religion, its a lack of religion.

So I sat there feeling like I was betraying myself, worrying over I was counted now as "non-religious" or atheist.

I said atheist in the end. It is, and remains, who I am.

NaNoWriMo Day 11

Week two stop kicking my ass.

I have done NaNo for six years and this is the first year I've had a week two. Well, its not the fault of the story, more the fault of my professors having huge projects due in classes and tests this week, and being an RA so I have to do things like put up posters and have floor events, plus Harry Potter next week, so its gotten a little crazy writing time wise.

I also might have made a decision that the people at NaNo would call stupid. I changed my entire story.

Okay, so yes, not the best plan when 1667 words a day looks difficult to work in (even for ME, when it takes half an hour to get out 1000 words at most these days), and now I have to play catch up. But, on the plus side, I'm actually liking this story.

We got a pep talk the day after I decided to quit the current story and it said that you shouldn't quit because the writing gets hard or boring, and just plow through. For beginning NaNoers, I agree. Don't quit because it gets hard. Struggling through three hundred words about the sunset or some such is not an excuse to restart your novel. But when you're 13,000 words in, and you have yet to find someone or something that sustains your interest for 1000 words, and every day getting up an writing 2000 words is a drastic struggle and relief, it sucks the fun out of the month.

Yes, writing is not supposed to be about the good days, its about the days when you just don't want to write but do it anyways. I believe this. But there is a difference from slogging through a hard novel that you are still unsure of because it sounds so cliche, with characters that don't interest you incredibly, and writing something that makes you like writing it.

I'm basically trying to justify why I restarted and abandoned Alane and friends. Perhaps that novel is not supposed to be written. Perhaps, Tia and Penny want to be written more. Whatever the reason, I can write 50,000 words easily in a month. Shouldn't I at least enjoy it?

Especially when its a month as busy as this one for me. I'm a senior in college. I have to pass all my classes, and be a RA, and not fuck my residents up too much, and have some semblance of a social life. Possibly. Maybe?

I'm probably writing myself in circles here.

NaNoWriMo Day 6

Fail.

Just fail.

Now that's out of the way, on with the extravaganza!

I've been reading, I was going to say a lot, but in reality it hasn't been much as I've been super busy. Anyways, what happens around now is the people who don't like NaNo start talking about why NaNo is not a good thing. I was reading an article about how NaNoWriMo just puts more crap out there, and it makes the efforts of "real" writers who do it "right" less significant.

I have things I get upset over. Religion is among them, as is the woman's right to chose, and these statements produce the same sort of rage I get when I read about people saying I'm going to hell for not believing in god, or when someone says that abortion makes angels weep or any of that other type of crap.

True, there are people who write for a living. But does that make them "real" writers? I think not. I consider myself to be a real writer, and I have never published anything. To me being a "real" writer is more about the need to write then about whether you're published or not. There are pleanty of people who are published who I think are utter jackasses who aren't writing good literature (Stephanie Myer I'm looking at you). The fact that you think that these "real" writer's professions are diminished by other people trying it out disgusts me.

Writing is a creative expression, its not like plumping, or engineering, where you could make an applicable comment. No one should EVER say anything about someone else's creative expression without considering the consequences. This does not mean that I think that people aren't bad, I do. But to me, bad is writing about teen vampires who are afraid to change their girlfriend simply for plot -- apparently most teenage girls would disagree with me.

The point is its subjective and telling someone to not write if they want to is stifling them. What harm does it do to you, other then to hurt your own inflated ego as a "real" writer for amateurs to attempt something you do all the time. If your work is really that great, then you don't need to worry about what other people think.

Maybe this is because to me, writing is an expression of myself. I would do it no matter what other people do or say. I don't do it for glamor, or praise. I do it because not doing it physically hurts. My life is enriched my writing. If someone told me to stop I wouldn't. So why would I have the right, or anyone else, to tell anyone else to stop?

Anyways.

Day six and I've finally got around to some blogging. I'm at about 13,000 words, which is lower then I intended to be at. I'm averaging about 2000 words a day, which is fine, but I did intend to write much, much more for this month. Maybe it will shore me up so that when I get a short break -- Thanksgiving is coming up -- and can attempt real 10,000 words days. I did try yesterday with that but was disappointed because I was so tired.

I could consider it today, but I'm too tired really to do anything more then want to sleep.

It would be unfortunate if I got mono, I suppose.

Well, I believe this is the end of my post. I haven't done much blogging about the process, but I wanted some response to the things I have read to be put somewhere.