Sunday, March 13, 2011

How to Prove You're A Nerd

Sooooooo, I finished my first draft. :D

Of course my first thing to do is to find out some stats about my novel.

105,784 words in total.

2,394 paragraphs.

Of the three main characters, Molly's name is used the least at 1278, while Ian is at the most with 1374, and Alice coming in at second with only fourteen more then Molly at 1292. The three minor characters who have the most used are Alex (277), Owen (262) and Clara (261), impressive for Owen considering he was barely in the rough draft.

Here is a wordle without the names:
Wordle: Evolution of a Rough Draft

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Distractions

I feel pretty good about the past week. There was a ton of stuff I should have done (read: studying for my immunology exam on Thursday, applied for more jobs, read my magazines, ect.) and I didn't complete all (or any?) of my goals, but I still feel pretty good. The novel editing is still going well, despite a definite slow down. I have something like five or six scenes to write left and I'm going to try and get them done before break ends so I can feel like something was accomplished. I managed to clean my room thoroughly for the first time since before break (I clean often, don't worry, its more about organization and things like that).

Having said that there were plenty of distractions this week, despite not having a social life. I didn't really want to see many people this week; not because I don't love people and spending time with them, but because I wanted to recharge and feel like myself again and I needed to do that alone. It was good in that respect because most of my floor was gone and I worked late shifts at the desk (though ahaha, 40 hours of work means PAYDAY). So it wasn't people who distracted me.

The obvious: TV. I started watching the British version of Being Human (and am annoyed that the American [well Canadian] version is set in Boston and I want to watch it now, but don't know if I can handle the changes) and loved it. Fantasy/Sci-fi shows are a place where you can have the sort of drama you get over loaded on in other TV. There are so many great elements to Being Human, and considering my novel, it is actually really helpful in making me think about other considerations for what's going to happen (vague enough for you?). Still, its distracting to have a new show, even a British show that isn't as long as the American half season. I haven't gotten half way through season 2 though, because I keep stopping and going and writing.

The not so obvious: Reading has not gone as well as I would have liked. I mean, I ripped right through The Art of War for Writers (a really good book for writers. Bell described it was filling in bits from his other books on writing, but to me it was a condensation of all the best tidbits about writing that I needed), but the fiction reading didn't go so well. Part of this is due to the fact that I would start reading at 4 am and then want to sleep, and part of it was due to wanting to write myself, and part of it, a small part of it, is that I can't read fiction the way I used to. Anyways this leads to disappointments in books that I think I would have liked before, but now find trite and unfortunately cliche (even when most would say they aren't). Certain plots gets under my skin in the annoying way, and I find it hard to focus on what is good.

And disappointment leads to other things. Two years ago I decided to use NaNoWriMo's deal with Amazon to get a proof copy of my novel that year (the book is called Pawn) and I picked it up yesterday and started reading. I picked it up because I was trying to get into the headspace of an action novel and I feel as if Pawn despite certain other flaws, has a lot of exciting and emotional action (one of my favorite scenes in it is an intense action sequence), and its probably my best action writing thus far. So I started rereading it.

I was surprised to find how complete Pawn was. My current project, EoW, is very incomplete -- it needs (needed) a lot of restructuring to make it novel shaped. Pawn read like a real novel. Sure things needed fleshing out, there were many spelling and grammar mistakes, and issues on that level, but it felt like the story was complete when I got to the last page (well ish, it ends on a cliffhanger).

So I'm having a minor crisis about EoW. I am suddenly unable to deal with the fact that its not complete and there was a section in the middle that I just didn't write because I was bored. If I'm bored writing it, how could anyone be interested reading it? (I qualify this by saying the actual scene writing isn't boring, but it takes a lot of effort for me to get into the right mindset to be writing these scenes and I feel as if overall plot has slowed down too much. I don't know how to fix this but will be examining it). Pawn never slows down. Its one thing to another to another, with lots of fighting, action, running, jumping and climbing up trees (one of the characters is a squirrel after all). Admittedly, Pawn is a children's (12+) book, where as I think that EoW despite its lack of sex and gore (some blood), is not a children's book (more an emerging adult, you know the 20-somethings generation), and the distinction makes me uncomfortable (I read young adult novels because they are better).

Anyways, this second distraction is what is stopping me from finishing the last five/six scenes of EoW and making me unsure I'm focusing on the right book...

Or maybe I'm handicapping myself.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Notes on the Zone

Editing is going well. I've got 1 full chapter to write, but I've filled in some of the gaps that were there and I'm getting back into the place where I feel good about writing the characters. I wrote one bit that was just plain awful at the beginning and was surprised at how unnatural it felt to be writing Ian and Molly again.

I've never thought of myself as a 'zone' writer. What does this mean? Well, I can slip between characters and stories easily, something that comes in useful when I'm in the middle of four different novels in different states. I can stop in the middle of one novel and start or work on another one without loosing a sensation of closeness to all the characters I am juggling (that being said, I do focus when I get to the end of a novel, but that's usually because it rips itself from me so I don't have time to think about other things. This is the source of my 10,000 word days). Currently I have three novels I am playing with (including the editing one) and I think its relatively easy to move between them, especially since I'm a write and get the hell out of their kind of writer -- editing is when you fix the mistakes you made.

But the last couple of days I've been struggling a little to get Molly and Ian's voices back. Funnily enough Alice remains pretty clear, and in some ways I almost think the break has done her good because she was starting to sound too much like Molly (as a result of spending time with her in my head, and not in the reality of the novel). It took about 2000 words to get me Molly's voice back, which is fine for the most part, but I haven't had a chance to do it with Ian yet and that's worrying as he's about to have a lot on his plate.

I think the problem is I just haven't written them in a while. I think about them probably once a week and about how I should be doing things with them, but it has been a while since I've officially written them, and it feels/felt unnatural. Apparently I am a little bit of a 'zone' writer. I need to have the characters in my head and around in order for this process to be easy.

Practice once again makes things easier. As I write more and more with them, the words come easier, and I find the infinite joy of discovering the story once again. Its been good to get back into this headspace. Its helped me immensely and is making me quite cheerful and hopeful about my prospects.

Then again, there is liable to be a low period coming up where I think everyone will hate it FOREVER. :D

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Editing

So my NaNoWriMo from 2009 is the novel I feel like has the best of me in it. The characters are dynamic and full of confusing emotions (for them), and want to fight and love and be. The plot also forces them to make tough decisions and the conflict comes from their own lives. Currently it is called EoW (not really, an acronym of the title) but I think I'm going to try and come up with some better title, because if this book were to lead to sequels, the series would take on that name. I'm working on it.

Anyways. I wrote this NaNo with an outline, which was ditched at about chapter 5, or half way through, which makes the first couple of chapters quite good in terms of having scenes that make sense and have action in them, but makes the last few and the middle a mess of false starts and stories that could be told but were left by the wayside. I knew when I was going to start editing I was going to need to fill in the gaping hole that was the middle because something happened with one of the main characters that was not good (in the sense that it didn't make sense) and I needed a few more scenes with the other two to explain what was going on in the middle. Indeed I thought I was going to have to write a huge portion of the middle over again. Turns out, yes I do have to rewrite the middle, and add in what happens with the character who's story got derailed, I have quite a lot of the middle.

In fact, I only have to write 21 more scenes to get to a complete first draft (I currently have a rough draft, which is the mess that doesn't have a solid plot, and has missing scenes as a result). Average word count of a scene for me is 1306 words (yes I have a spreadsheet with word counts of all my scenes, this reorganization happened in excel because I'm just that cool... and wanted to be able to do stats on my novel :P). That means, I'm about 27,000 words away from a first draft. 27,000 words is easy. I mean, if I can write 10,000 in a day, then its about 3 days. So new goal, finish the first draft this week.

I don't know if it will work but I hope it will. I've decided that I won't show anyone this novel until I'm at the second draft stage. First draft is where the kinks in terms of major overarching story are fixed. Second draft is where the fine tuning begins -- changing out parts of scenes that don't work, fiddling with the bits that almost, but don't quite work, cutting scenes that I thought were necessary that aren't.

So, second draft by June is my goal. So that I can utilize the NaNo offer and get it "printed" in book form to send to people for comments and so on for free.

I'm excited.

Friday, March 4, 2011

Spring Break

Spring break began about eight hours ago for me. I got out of Genetics lab and came home and, because I am working from midnight to 8 am tomorrow, went to sleep. When I got up four hours after going to sleep I showered, meandered the internet and then, quite spur of the moment, decided to go to Borders down the way.

The idea had been peculating for a while because Margot, who works the front desk, had been talking about going because this one is going out of business. All books were 25% off, which is an all right amount to be off, so I decided as I purused the shelves to just pick up anything that caught my interest.

My first stop in any bookshop is to go to the "reference" section. I like looking at books about writing -- which coincidentally are always next to books about science. There is something nice about the juxtaposition. I riffled through a few, and found several books that were inspirationals for writers -- exercises, and so on for people who might be a little stuck. I picked up two of them, and The Art of War for Writers by James Scott Bell which seemed a little more about the practicalities of writing.

Having looked in that section I went straight for fantasy, but found, in the end, nothing of interest. Its not that I don't like fantasy, but I actually prefer young adult fantasy, and that was where I found myself eventually. I picked up books that looked interesting and eventually had quite a pile which I sorted through and picked two of.

In the end these are the books I bought:
City of Bones by Cassandra Clare
The Naming by Alison Croggon
The Art of War for Writers James Scott Bell
The 3 am Epiphany by Brian Kiteley

Now, spring break is a week long and I'm working at the desk for 32 hours of it, so I've decided I should attempt to read both fiction books. The other thing I've decided to do is go through The 3 am Epiphany and write something for each exercise -- at least one a day.

Now because these are exercises and not terribly likely to get published, I'm thinking about posting them up here. Just as an experiment.

We'll see.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Investment (Episodes)

I started Episodes, Matt Le Blanc's new show, because of Matt. I mean, come on, I'm obsessed with Friends, so it makes sense for me to start the show. It just got to the end of its seven episode first season.

I actually quite liked the first episode. It was funny, and invested me in the relationship between Beverley and Sean. It didn't have much Matt, but I was okay with that. There were some interesting characters, Carol being my favorite for her entirely fake personality -- which then turned into one of my favorite characters because she's clearly in a place where she has to do it.

I thought it was interesting to have Matt playing a version of himself. I know its been done before, but I don't think its ever been done in the same way. Imagine playing someone who has your name, and some parts of your life, but other parts fictionalized. Matt does it beautifully though, and there are moments that feel really true and interesting.

So, now having finished the first season, I am going to do a half plug / half warning. Episodes is hilariously funny. I mean, really, really funny. There are some great parts to it and you get this amazing sense of what its like to be in Hollywood. It also will break your heart -- over and over and over again. These are moments that feel infinitely human, but they are painful to watch.

If you plan to watch this show, then spoilers occur after this point, stop reading. I say this because I am about to go into the painful moments. If you have been turned off by this advertisement for the show, or think you would get spoiled anyways, I suppose you can go on.

SPOILERS

I like Matt, I really do, but the pull of this show is the relationship between Bev and Sean. They are so happy and normal and in love with one another. They work well with one another. They also have normal couple flaws: Sean's inability to let go of a dream that is clearly hurting his wife, Bev's controlling personality (not overbearing as such, but she does like to know things) and a little bit her jealousy. They are people, and they are in love, and you can tell. And the show lets you know its all going to fall apart at the start, so seeing them so happy makes it hurt even more to see them being so normal with one another.

Now as the show begins to unfold, you get both of their points of view. Bev is unhappy, and its clear that she is unhappy. She wants to be somewhere else and not in America making a show that is so clearly not the show she wrote in the UK. She also has a few problems making friends, being somewhat shrewish (yeah, not particularly great feminism-wise, but she's not unbelievable, and it plays into the overall result of the show, so I'm okay with it) and Matt drives her up the wall basically because they have a bad impression of each other from the beginning.

Meanwhile Sean is happy in LA. He's the well liked writer, and he and Matt's relationship unfold nicely. It hurts later when Sean says that he has only a few guy friends. Matt fulfills a role in Sean's life that I don't think he got before. So, yes, we're happy for Sean. And the thing with Morning is complicated, but I think the show handles it delicately. After all, he is adamantly against doing anything about his feelings towards Morning and I honestly got the sense it was only a physical thing for Morning and not about the emotional things.

I totally get why Bev would be upset by this and I totally get why Sean decides to hide the fact that Morning went to the benefit with him and Matt because they are sketched out so well in the episodes preceding. So when it comes -- when Bev sleeps with Matt, you both understand her impulse, and it tears you up inside because Sean was trying so hard to do the right thing and he's getting screwed either way.

Never in my life have I watched a comedy in which the show is so depressing and laughed so much. The fight between Matt and Sean was hilarious (the perfume anyone? The cactus! The cactus!) and even the moments between Bev and Sean when they were fighting (and Matt's comedic relief) were funny. Horrible, but you still laughed. I've never seen something like that executed so well and I think it comes from the fact that the characters were so likable and their actions so understandable and human.

Plus you invest from the beginning. You want people to be happy.

I know the show was picked up for the second season, and I'm excited for the second season. I think it will be interesting to see what they do next and if they can salvage the remains of the relationships they so thoroughly destroyed in the last episode. I am invested heavily in Sean and Bev working things out. I kind of want Matt and Carol to get together, but that's random. But yes, want Sean and Bev to be together, though I don't know if they can manage it. I hope they can. There is so much between them and come on -- "You were my partner."

They are meant to be together. They write together. There is no way they can be 'just friends'.

Monday, February 21, 2011

On Following Your Dreams Part II (a work in progress)

Kat and I keep discussing running off to California to write TV. Having a little understanding of how the system works, I am well aware that writing something right away does not happen -- after all think of all the talent out there, and the people you have to fit in with and the endless politics of it all -- but it occurs to me that if I wanted to do it, I am going to need to write some spec scripts. 


Now, being the proponent of practice that I am, I have decided to work with shows that have been off the air for a bit in order to get in my necessary practice. So, looking at my list of shows, I have to remove everything currently running. The list comes out as follows:


Angel
Battlestar Galactica (2004 reimagining)
Boy Meets World
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Caprica
Coupling
Dollhouse
Firefly
Friends
Legend of the Seeker
Pushing Daisies 
Dirty Sexy Money
Scrubs
Sex and the City
Studio Sixty on the Sunset Strip
The West Wing
Ugly Betty
Veronica Mars
Will and Grace
Avatar: The Last Airbender
Black Adder
Sports Night

Now, it has to be a show I know relatively well that has a point where I can imagine a relatively good point for a stand alone episode -- which again narrows down the list. 

Angel
Battlestar Galactica (2004 reimagining)
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Firefly
Friends
Legend of the Seeker
Pushing Daisies 
Scrubs
Sex and the City
Veronica Mars
Will and Grace

Last issue: what kind of writing do I want to do? Comedy has so much to offer in terms of practicing making people laugh, but as a naturally dry person, without an eye for slapstick humor and a preference for nuance in comedy, I suppose the best thing to do would be to focus on the drama/dramady. This makes the list look like so:

Angel
Battlestar Galactica (2004 reimagining)
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Firefly
Legend of the Seeker
Pushing Daisies
Veronica Mars

That's seven shows to write a spec script for. 

Now, I have been writing my own show about my generation (the 20 somethings basically) and our struggles to figure out who we are. Its a half hour comedy and really its only funny to me. But I like it, and I have a lot of ideas for how its going to go and I don't want to get too distracted from it, but I think that in all honesty, writing things for shows that will give me good practice for the kind of things I would be doing anyways, I should probably focus on that. 

Then again, maybe I can do both...

On Creative Processes and People

So I read this blog called Reasoning With Vampires, which basically is this girl reading Twilight and pointing out grammatical errors, and the craziness that occurs in these books. I read it partly because I hate Twlight, and partly because I've never read Twilight and I feel like I am getting the cliff notes with this blog, along with funny commentary (I hate that I have not read Twilight and yet I hate the book so much I can't seem to overcome this. Everything about me finds this to be horribly hypocritical. But every time I attempt to even try to read this book I want to spork my eyes out by about page 20. I can't really tell you why except that the characters are uninteresting, and the world not fascinating enough to captivate me even for that long. Plus, Bella whines a lot about... Something? I think moving to Forks. Thirdly, I have been over informed of the terribleness of this book which colors ever error, every tiny problem, and makes it jump out at me, making it all the harder to even attempt to like it. Why subject myself to that? The point being, I'm totally aware that I am a giant hypocrite, but again -- my blog so I'm going to write whatever I want).

The girl who does it is terribly snarky, and while it somewhat terrifies me that someone could go through my writing like that -- it makes me want to go through and make sure my novels are, at the sentence level, good enough to be read by people. Maybe not millions of people, but enough people that it would matter -- I appreciate the levity and humor that comes from it. Plus, I really hate Twilight and anything ripping it to shreds amuses me.

Anyways, I say all of this, because she recently did a post about Stephanie Meyer talking about Edward leaving Bella in which she called Stephanie a crazy person and got responses to it, and responded to them with this.

Now, me and my friend Bryan have had many discussions that have sounded like the following:

Me: My characters won't let me do that. 
Bryan: But you created them, how do you not control them?
Me: I don't control them. They tell me where the story is going. 
Bryan: But you are God in their world. You get to control them. 
Me: No I don't!

So you may find that my response to Reasoning with Vampires's post to be troubled at best. After all, I love the blog, and find people who yell at her for tearing down Twilight to be annoying and stupid (admittedly, I only read the ones she edits to put up). I am not responding to her post therefore, this is not a "OMG HOW COULD SHE IMPLY THAT I AM INSANE!?" (though it does worry me that I have a similar relationship to my characters that Stephanie does). But it did get me thinking about how there are some authors who think this way -- the characters dictate the story not the author -- and there are some who are not (like Bryan, and the girl who writes Reasoning with Vampires) and apparently, one way, some people just don't understand. 

I suppose it could be the dramatics of it. I find myself often making comments like Stephanie's comments that illicit the post. She spoke about throwing a tantrum because Edward decided to leave, tried offering him other options, and tried everything to get him to not leave. While I don't think I've ever physically expressed having a tantrum over some character's decisions -- that would be crazy -- I would phrase it the way Stephanie did. I have been known to say things like "Me and Molly are in a fight because she is insisting on being more angry with Alice then Ian." Or that a plot line won't work "Because Jon would never do that, and is yelling that its stupid."

When I think about this, it comes from RPing. Me and Dany, the girl I spent the most time writing with, would have conversations that would sometimes turn into real time dialogue, and it translates well into a sensation of being a mouthpiece for the character (instead of the other way around, which is usually the case). So it comes naturally when I talk about writing to say things like "Well, Will said this," as if he had actually said it. Does this mean I actually think he said it? No. Its just the way I say it -- the dramatization of my internal dialogue. 

Internal dialogue, you say, are you sure you're not talking to voices in your head? Okay, so dialogue might imply too many voices in this, but when I say it what I really mean, is the creation of my own stories. I am writing constantly -- whether it be physically on a keyboard, or long hand, or in my head -- I always have something going on in my head, editing and reediting what I will finally commit to paper. Sometimes its stories, sometimes its dialogue, but always its thinking about stories and how they work. 

Anyways, I have finally arrived at my point, if I ever had one, and its this -- the creative process.

I usually start my novels blind -- which is to say I have no idea what's going to happen at the end. This has the interesting effect of making me wandering around in the creative space not sure of where I am going until something happens.

For example, in my NaNo I started with five characters, meandered about with them in space, and let them figure out where they were going. It lead to a wedding, a shot out, the mechanic losing a hand (this I struggled against, but then realized I could use it to my advantage), the decision to bring on new blood, and a rushed stop on a planet that the captain shouldn't have been on. If I had plotted this out, there is no way any of this would have happened. I would have had them struggle about, trying not to be Firefly.

So, this is a good plan, you say. This is the way you write your novels? Well, unfortunately, the problem with not having a plot line to follow is you end up relying on the characters to come to a climax naturally and for the most part, character's don't want to. Have you ever wanted to get involved in a giant fight, or reveal that your society is really overshadowed by an alien influence? The natural tendency is to move away from that, and when I write blind, the story goes places, and you realize things, but the characters do too -- and they want to get the hell away from it.

My most successful novels have been written with an end in mind. Not a clear end I should point out, but rather a conversation, or moment that is clearly a climax, but unconnected to the beginning. I get this idea, this rough plan for what it could be, and then I begin to work backwards, vaguely, from that point plotwise, until I figure out the starting point. Then I write forwards from there, allowing the characters to struggle forward to the ending and denouement.

This vague way of writing, trying not to get too strict on actual conversations and required plot lines allows for the fluidity of the first sort of writing, while also preventing the characters from running amok and avoiding the climax that is preordained. Its a method that I think works well for me, and allows me to create an outline that I can then deviate from by a lot.

In terms of giant, overarching writing, this is my process -- the way I create stories for my characters to inhabit. But characters are the real concern here, as evidenced by my rambling beginning. I talk a lot about how the plot is driven by the characters -- so they are clearly important in some way.

How does character creation go about? What is that process like?

Funny, this whole post was about that, but I still don't know how to answer this question. Character's don't just walk into my head fully formed, but they do come partially formed. The analogy I would use is clay models but with their faces only vague notions of what they should look like, their legs stuck together and arms not fully formed. They come to me unfinished and its my job to find out more about them by writing. The interesting thing is, while writing, they inform me of things. No, not like a crazy person listening to them, but rather via me writing something I didn't realize would come out. Back stories begin to materialize as I move through their worlds.

I have an explanation for this intuition for my character's lives -- practice. Perhaps you have never experienced this, or perhaps you will recognize this feeling -- the brilliant shock of when something that was off hand and unimportant in the first character, suddenly appears in the last chapter as something very important to the plot. You didn't know it was going to be important -- it was put in by accident, or as a character defining moment, or something, but suddenly its important. That feeling is one of the best and for me, tends to happen a lot with characters. Personality ticks that didn't make sense at the beginning, are suddenly defining and important. The intuition that comes from reading a lot (its why everyone says to read as much as possible when you want to write) and writing a lot (which is the other thing) informs your subconscious of what is important and what is not, and will connect things your conscious mind would never have guessed at.

So yes, once again I get to harp on about practice, but it is important, it makes these moments possible, it makes the characters be different from yourself whereas at the beginning they might have been. Practice gives you a lot.

Now, back to the beginning for a moment if I may. My creative process is based on this intuition, and I believe from the quote that was being made fun of, Stephanie's process is similar (wow, some one who I like who hates Twilight made me sympathize with Stephanie? Eesh. Not her best post I guess? Then again, I don't have to agree with her always). It makes us dramatic, and feel like our characters are out of our control. But feeling doesn't imply that they are out of control, just conscious control.

And now on with our regularly scheduled programing (the joke being we don't have any here).

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Fandom

So Kat and I were discussing fandom the other day, and she asked me that if I ever did get around to publishing something how would I feel about people writing fanfiction of my stuff. As someone who really got my legs in fandom, I found the question to be funny. I would be eternally flattered if people wrote fandom about my stuff. But the reason it came up was because she had been reading about authors who don't want fanfiction of their stuff put up on the web.

One of them equated writing fanfiction to her neighbor sleeping with her daughter. It was not a good comparision, but the point was that characters are like children in some ways. I get this, I really do. My characters are, in some ways, like children. You don't want to hear negative things about them, and you don't want them to be ruined, but to be honest, the scariest thing about fandom to me is that there is such bad writing of these characters without thought for how to capture their voices and personalities.

Um, where was I going with this. I got distracted because I started thinking about if there was any ship in my canons that would freak me out (my initial 'that would be weird' was Alice/Molly, but unfortunately, they have a very slashable relationship. I suppose Cassandra and Jon would freak me out because they are siblings, but even that I would just skip over it, rather then freak out about it). OH I REMEMBER.

So, anyways, I was thinking about fandom after that and it mostly came down to pairings. I am a very cannon kind of girl. I always shipped Ron/Hermione, I love Laurie/Amy, George/Alanna made the most sense to me, and Monica/Chandler were my favorite couple for a long time; in general, when a couple are meant to be I ship them. Its only been recently that I've branched out a bit. There are a couple of fandoms where I like character pairings that aren't the official OTP.

Legend of the Seeker for example, was the first show I watched where I was like "I like Cara/Kahlan better together then Richard/Kahlan." I think it was more about the dynamic of their relationship, as Richard and Kahlan are ridiculously cute, but anyways. In Big Bang Theory I kind of have a thing for Sheldon/Penny -- but as Sheldon becomes more and more asexual, there is a certain amount of, "That would be weird".

I was thinking about my propensity towards the cannon couples though today when I was making icons. I recently got distracted by lj icons all over the place and I decided to make some of my own. I was going through Buffy stuff and I realized suddenly that I didn't know who I shipped -- Angel/Buffy or Spike/Buffy. There are certain parts of both relationships that I really enjoy, and I could see Buffy with either of them, but there is something to be said to the fact that at the end of the series she is supposed to be 22. How many people knew who they were supposed to be with forever at that point.

One of the things that keeps occurring to me is the fact that a lot of these characters that you ship, sometimes they aren't forever ships, they are right now ships. You can love them dearly, but relationships do fall apart, and its about the right person (oh dear, I'm talking myself into a corner in regards to Barney/Robin) at the time. I like that it reflects real life. Very few people have epic love stories.

When it comes to my own writing, I do think about ships and what could happen from the characters and their relations to one another. In the novel with Alice, Ian and Molly, there is a huge potential for shipping Ian/Molly (which a little squicks me, but only in their adamance that its just too weird for them). In the end though, I don't even know if the main pairing (Alice/Ian) will end up together because of the issue of -- they are all quite young. People change, and demanding two characters that have diverged remain together is forcing things that shouldn't be forced.

Wow, so that got rambly.

Um. I'll come clean it up later. Or not.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

On Following Your Dreams (a work in progress)

1. 
I was sitting in the car with my brother, father and mother at Thanksgiving. We were driving back from dinner on the Cape and my dad had just said he was tired and would I mind driving. We were looking for an exit and my brother started talking about who amazing his internship was. I kind of wanted to hit him.

2. 
I had a friend in high school who was perfectly nice, if a little needy and clinging. When we graduated she became rather agoraphobic, and didn't go to college as a result. She wrote a piece for a website about something that happened on Bones, and Hart Hanson responded to it. The creator of the show responded to it. I hid her status updates on facebook after that. 

3. 
At Christmas we discovered all of the ornaments had gone missing in my mother's purge of the house. I offered to make some paper cranes, do a little search on google to figure out some paper flowers I could make. I ended up making a kusudama ball -- it involved folding 60 petals and a lot of patience. My brother told me I was doing "craftwork". It wasn't a compliment. 

4. 
I wrote an essay for an application recently that started out like so: "Most people like things that come easily to them – I am not most people." 

5. 
When I told my parents I wanted to be a doctor my mother looked at me and said "Really?" and not in the "Really? You think you can do that?" and not even in the "Really? That's so interesting" way. The kind of "Really?" that means: "Is that really what you ant to do with your life?" The kind of really that speaks to the fact that my mother dropped out of secondary school when she was 16 to go to art school, and now, years later, makes her living from following her art career. The kind of really that means: "I brought you up in privilege so you could find your dreams, and I don't think this is what your dream is."

6. 
Have you ever wanted something so bad it hurt?

7. 
I read this today and there was a longing there -- a scared knowledge that you are not good enough. Its what I feel all the time, the secret behind why I don't tell people about my writing, why I think I won't be able to publish anything ever. I want to live as much as possible, to let go of everything and free fall. I want to go to California and write TV, publish a novel, be someone. But I'm waiting. 


8. 
I'm too scared to jump.